Enough with the lame FB personality tests already!

Aileen Wuornos

I am Ted Bundy! What’s your serial killer alter ego?

(link to bogus personality survey here)

Evil doesn’t begin to describe the murky recesses of your cerebral cortex. You are a charmer and a killer in one lethal package — and you’re proud of it. Make sure to hide the trophies of your conquests (wink, wink) when expecting company, otherwise you might just have to bludgeon someone else.

So…what serial killer is your alter ego? Do your white pancake makeup and Bozo shoes mask your dark side, a la John Wayne Gacy? Do you express yourself best with a knife, like Jack the Ripper? Or do you channel Aileen Wournos (above) and just cut to the chase with your shotgun?

Yeah. That’s where this stuff is going.

Seriously, can we please stop posting these Facebook personality tests? I love you all, but I don’t care where Buzzfeed says you’re supposed to live or your real age or what color you are. (Believe me, I had my mind made up already before you took the test. Just sayin’.) Please tell me no one takes this crap to heart and starts making life decisions based on what Game of Thrones character they channel—God help you if it’s Geoffrey. In fact, if that’s the case, I’m thinking unfriending you is the best plan of action.

And that’s another thing: if you take the test (and I use that term loosely) and it brings up a not-so-desirable result (Detroit), you could retake it and throw your answers until your survey ego aligned with who you really think you are (Portland). Or you could refrain from posting the results and worry about them for days (“OMG, I’m blue, does that mean I’m suffering from an inner sadness and will never achieve my potential??)

Fess up, you know who you are.

That’s the thing—you know who you are, don’t you? I know this is all cute and funny and not intended to give anyone actual insight into themselves or each other, but stop it already. I don’t need you to post that you’re an artichoke or the color yellow or a grizzly bear.

Then again, your head would be a nice addition to my wall.

Enough with the lame FB personality tests already!